It's been a difficult week, devastatingly difficult. My granddaughter, beautiful Ciara, passed away at the tender age of 24 losing her battle with cancer. I rushed to be with my son and family, yet she was already gone before I arrived.
After leaving the hospital my body and mind literally slowed down, attempting to process the enormity of loss. I moved from wailing in throes of grief - to feeling utterly numb. Back and forth I rode this internal roller coaster and the days and nights blurred and became timeless. I looked through countless pictures, and videos of Ciara, and I laughed and cried tears of joy and grief as the memories coursed through my being, it was as if she were visiting me once again.
Today I rested, nothing more, and nothing less. I listened more attentively to the needs of my body and spirit, as best I could, and spent time by myself, with my herd, my cats, my dog, and texted my son and daughter-in-law. I cleaned, I cooked, and I paid attention to each moment as I experienced it, with an inner calm and gratitude that I could pay attention again. I thank Love for supporting me through the dark nights of the soul, and allowing me to receive warmth, color, and comfort from the Light. Ciara's light.
I took time today to be in the trees, to watch the leaves blow in the wind, the puddles grow in the rain, and see the sun rise and sun set. I breathed in deep the cool autumn air and gave thanks for being able to breathe. I let tears fall when tears came, and each moment I told Ciara how thankful I am she came and brought her love into my life.
She loved not only me, but my horses, cats, dogs, and all of the family. She was kind and thoughtful with a sense of humor that was quite mischievous too! Such an utter delight with a keen mind and creative spirit. She loved life, she loved her family fiercely, she was incredibly resilient, and lived life fully from a strong heart. Her life was filled with purpose and passion and each life she touched expresses gratitude for her love, her presence, her generous attention, and each soul mourns her passing from this life so soon. My first grandchild from my first son. Beautiful child. I miss you.