Many of us today don't feel completely whole, as if we are not all here. When we begin to become aware of this, we can open to the possibility of reclaiming the intimacy we once enjoyed. With support, we can recover our soul, the vital essence of life.
I share with you a clients' story about welcoming back lost parts of herself who were willing to begin the journey home to wholeness.
"What is trauma? Well for me it was total annihilation of my personal existence and I lost all feeling of any sensations. I didn't consciously know this because my body and mind were blank; trauma completely numbed my capacity to sense any emotional or physical pain. Even my brain went numb so that I didn't miss having fun, laughing, or really living.
Trauma is timeless so when I got triggered, my body reacted as if the trauma was happening NOW, in the present moment. Whether the actual experience happened a year ago, a month ago, or even a week ago was not remembered. Because when these inner parts are triggered, my ability to perceive is filtered through the lens of the ever present past.
I remember the first time I began to feel sensations again very vividly. I was lying in my hallway while on a conference call in one of Gloria's classes. Something had triggered me and Gloria invited me to slow time down and asked if I was willing for my inner experience to be met with warmth right where I was in the moment.
What stands out to me now is how my body felt during this call; because something shifted in me and I began to feel again, my whole body awakened and I could feel pain. I remember even my toes hurt. I recall lying in the hallway, curled up in a fetal position with tears streaming out of my eyes, and trying not to make those crying sounds - because I didn't want anyone to hear me cry - I was telling myself if someone heard me crying I would die. In that moment past, present, and future blurred together and I have no memory whether I actually hid or if everyone on the call heard me. I don't even remember specifically what was coming up for me. Yet, I can still see myself very clearly, lying in that hallway in the fetal position, with the phone up to my ear and tears streaming out of my eyes. I did not die, I could feel my body and allow the warmth of a compassionate presence to wash over me and feel felt. It is an experience that is forever cemented into my memory, receiving the gift of being welcomed just as I was, to begin my journey home."
What causes the loss of our vital essence? For many it may be the result of trauma; a part of our vital essence separates from us in order to survive the experience and escape the full impact of pain. We forget who we truly are and what was once true is replaced by the projections placed upon us by others; family, authority figures, and peers.
It is possible to receive the help we need to remember who we truly are and why we were born into this world. It is our birthright to live our lives whole and help others to do the same.